


Unwarranted use

by dab



Series: Durin's Day Gift Exchange 2018 [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Dwalin's revenge is sweet, Kíli Is a Little Shit, M/M, Mischievous Kíli, Naughty heirs, Secret Relationship, secret relationship discovered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 17:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16246751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dab/pseuds/dab
Summary: Dwalin has lost something and suspects it was taken by one of the three youngest members of their Company. Who stole it? And more importantly, why? Dwalin will find out all, and more.





	Unwarranted use

**Author's Note:**

> I have written this story for the Durin’s Day Gift Exchange, organized by Gathering FiKi on tumblr. This work is inspired by [this](http://blooeyedspazz.tumblr.com/post/176862743509/idk-what-to-caption-this-it-was-fun-to-draw) beautiful re-draw made by [BlooeyedSpazz](http://blooeyedspazz.tumblr.com/).  
> Enjoy!

The three youngest members of Thorin’s Company were roughly awakened by an aggravated Dwalin. It was still early and most members of the group were only just waking up or sitting down for an early breakfast. 

“Come with me.” Dwalin commanded. His tone left no room for argument. 

Fíli had opened one eye when he felt Dwalin shaking him but closed it the moment he saw Kíli get up. ‘He will handle it.’ Fíli thought and slumbered on. Ori was inclined to do the same, but decided against it when he glanced at Dwalin’s stern face. The older Dwarf meant business. 

Kíli and Ori had just pulled on their vests when Dwalin shouted for them to hurry up, waking up more Dwarves in the process. Knowing Fíli would never awaken without some help, Kíli knelt beside his snoozing brother, tucked some blonde hair behind his ear and started whispering to him.

“Fíli, wake up.” He said, shaking his shoulder lightly. “I know you’re worn out, but Dwalin wants us for something and he’s not very patient today.”

Fíli yawned and stretched, still with his eyes closed, and turned on his back. 

“Why so early though.” came his reply, voice rough from sleep. 

“Dunno, if you get up we can find out,” Kíli answered. The younger Dwarf tried to hide his nervousness, but Fíli knew him better than anyone and noticed immediately. 

“What did you do now? I thought we agreed no more pranks after the last time.” Fíli voiced softly, fully awake now that he knew Kíli was nervous about something. He sat up and started looking for his vest. 

“No, no pranks. I’ll tell you later, now hurry up.” Having found the blonde’s vest, Kíli threw it at him and stood up, walking up to Ori. He answered Ori’s confused look with a shrug. 

The three of them made their way over to a log that Dwalin had picked out a little ways from their camp and slowly sat down. Dwalin stood in front of them, towering over their seated forms and glowered.

“Alright, ‘fess up! Where is it?” Dwalin started, hands on his hips and annoyance clearly written on his face.

“Where’s what?” Ori asked confused.

“You know full well what I’m talking about.” Dwalin responded. “One of you stole my honing oil!” 

“Your what?” Ori asked again.

“My honing oil. The oil I use when sharpening my axe.”

Ori was slightly insulted at being accused of stealing, while Fíli was just confused. Kíli, on the other hand, tried to hide his guilt. He was pretty unsuccessful though. After all, his fear of Dwalin figuring him out had become reality.

Fíli’s initial confusion quickly morphed into realization. Last night, Kíli had mysteriously procured a small bottle of oil. Their semi-regular lovemaking (it was difficult to find time, space, and privacy when travelling with so many Dwarves) had caused them to run out of oil several weeks ago. There were no towns in sight and Thorin had not planned to visit any in the near future, so they had been on the lookout for an alternative. Kíli had told Fíli not to worry about it and promised he would take care of it. So when Kíli had shown up with the bottle, Fíli had thought he had solved their problem. The origin of the small flask was far from Fíli’s mind and they had made good use of the luxury. But now…

“… You have probably used it for some prank. You swore you would stop after the soap incident!” That last statement was directed at the two young heirs. 

“Did you use it to oil the saddles so everybody’s sliding in it today, or on combs so nobody can comb their beards.” Dwalin continued rambling. He had obviously given this a lot of thought.

During Dwalin’s rant, Fíli inconspicuously pressed his leg against Kíli’s to let him know he was aware of the whereabouts of Dwalin’s oil. Kíli instantly knew what his brother meant and he sent him a pleading look not to rat him out. Fíli would never, of course, it would defeat the whole point of keeping their secret. He had to try and talk them out of this, though. Kíli’s puppy eyes had stopped working on Dwalin years ago so they relied solely on Fíli’s quick wit to find a way out of this predicament. 

“Erm.. yeah we took it yesterday.” Fíli said, pointing between himself and his brother. 

Dwalin’s stern look slid to the brothers and motioned for them to explain.

“Yeah.. we.. we needed it for our.. our swords!” Kíli added, his blush deepening at the unintended double meaning of that statement.

Fíli coughed and pressed his leg against his brother’s again, willing him to shut up before he accidentally told Dwalin the true application for his oil.

“I get that you used it for your blades, but you could’ve just asked.” Dwalin stated suspiciously, not completely trusting Kíli’s statement based on their reactions.

“You were already asleep and we didn’t want to wake you.” Kíli explained quickly. That statement was true at least. 

Dwalin nodded slowly, still looking annoyed. 

“Well, give it back,” Dwalin demanded. Kíli quickly reached into an inner pocket of his jacket and fished out the glass bottle. Dwalin snatched it from his hand and held it up to the light to check for any damage. He immediately noticed that there was only about half of its content left. It had been nearly full!

“That’s a lot of oil you used for three swords. You are only supposed to use a little bit!” Dwalin said, annoyance flaring again. He needed to use that oil for the entirety of their journey.

“Yeah, we know how much to use, but we did all our blades. You know how many Fíli carries.” Kíli lied, trying to give a reasonable explanation for the large amount of oil they had used last night. Dwalin looked displeased but no longer suspicious and nodded. He reprimanded them again but it seemed they had gotten away with it. Kíli sighed in relief when Dwalin turned away to put the oil back into his pack. His relief was short-lived, however, as Ori decided it was a good idea to get involved as well. 

“When did you do all that? Oil all your blades, I mean. That must have taken you hours.” Ori supplied innocently. He was taken aback by the panicked looks and hand-gestures that his question sparked in the two young heirs.

Dwalin, not having thought about this previously but now finding it somewhat suspicious, turned back around. “Yeah, you took it yesterday after I was asleep. It was already dark by then. I discovered it was missing when I took over Glóin’s shift in the middle of the night.” Dwalin said, staring at Kíli.

Kíli shot Ori an angry look before turning to Dwalin again. “We did it right after you were asleep. We finished quickly, we’ve become pretty good at it over the years.” Kíli told him, getting pinched on his left arm by Fíli for yet another double entendre.

Dwalin didn’t trust their story. The lads did know how to care for their weapons, that much was true. But they usually didn’t bother to do it until they were forced by either Thorin or himself. That they decided to clean and oil all their weapons in the middle of the night without prompting was highly unlikely. But, wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt, he needed to check the facts.

“Oi, Glóin. Come here for a bit.” Dwalin yelled over his shoulder. The red-headed Dwarf grumbled as he was disturbed during his breakfast but made his way over to them anyway. 

Dwalin didn’t miss the looks of alarm that Thorin’s nephews gave each other.

“Tell me,” Dwalin started when Glóin had joined them, “How long did it take these two to clean and oil all their weapons last night after you took first watch.” 

Glóin looked momentarily confused. “Clean and… They didn’t even take all their weapons with them.” Glóin answered. Dwalin’s eyebrows shot up at that statement.

“You’re saying they weren’t in the camp last night?” Dwalin asked, trying to get his facts straight after this newest revelation.

“Yeah, they left to go scouting after dark, but didn’t take their swords, just some daggers. They returned just before my shift ended. What’s going on, were they not allowed to leave?” Glóin was confused why he was being questioned.

Dwalin turned back to the two princes, his stare fixating on their blushing faces, ignoring Ori completely. 

“So just to recap,” Dwalin started, “you stole my full vial of oil after I fell asleep and the two of you immediately left the camp to go scouting with only a few small weapons on you. You returned to the camp just before my watch started, and you were asleep during my entire watch until about half an hour ago when I woke you up to start this current conversation. Oh, and I only have half a bottle of oil left. Does that sound about right?” 

Neither prince was looking at him. 

“So where does oiling your weapons fit in?” Dwalin asked in anger. It was Fíli who answered.

“We were planning to do it. But then we went scouting and we sort of got lost.” Dwalin snorted and mumbled something about ‘just like their uncle’. “When we returned we were so tired that we decided to oil our blades this morning.” 

“But you haven’t yet. So where did all my oil go?”

There were a few beats of silence before Fíli answered.

“… Kíli spilled it.” Kíli’s cry of dismay was silenced by one pointed look from his brother, after which he nodded and confirmed that he had indeed dropped the bottle, spilling half its content. 

“Damn it, Kíli! This is quality oil which has to last me all the way to the Lonely Mountain!” Dwalin’s anger took over again and he cuffed Kíli on the head. “Use your own next time!” Dwalin stomped off in anger after that, followed by Glóin after he had sent them a disapproving look.

Kíli rubbed his painful head but couldn’t help grinning at his brother.

“Quick thinking, brother dear.” 

“You didn’t tell me you stole the oil!” Fíli shot back. 

“Last night you weren’t so concerned where the oil came from, only how quickly you wanted me to use it.” Kíli teased, his grin widening when he spotted the blush on Fíli’s cheeks.

“You could’ve told me last night so we could’ve gotten our story straight.” Fíli mumbled. They were interrupted by Ori.

“Sooooo… you didn’t really go scouting last night?” Ori asked carefully. Both heirs stiffened. They had forgotten about Ori sitting _right there_. 

They turned to their companion. Ori expected them to be embarrassed but the young scribe was faced with two angry princes instead.

“You could’ve gotten us into some serious trouble!” Fíli was not amused.

“Yeah, we had almost gotten away with it when you interrupted. We’re lucky that they believe I’m clumsy and spilled all the oil.” Kíli added.

“You are clumsy.” Fíli deadpanned, and was rewarded with a smile and an elbow in his side from his brother.

“I didn’t know you were hiding something. I was just curious.” Ori defended himself. He vowed not to get involved in their business again if he could help it. “I’ll keep out of it next time.”

The brothers nodded and huddled together, effectively dismissing Ori, talking to each other in hushed tones.

“But.. aren’t you upset that I know about you guys now? That you are together, I mean.” Ori enquired.

“No.” Kíli answered, turning to him once more.

“Why would we be upset? Should we be?” Fíli added.

“No, no. You don’t have to worry. I’m fine with it. It’s just unusual and I thought you wanted to keep it a secret.” 

“You’ve known us for years, Ori. You know we are One. There’s nothing unusual about it.” Fíli answered.

“Yeah, we just don’t need all the extra attention. If they know we are courting, we will never have any privacy again, which is exactly the opposite of what we want. We’ll tell them in Erebor, when we have our own room and a lock on the door.” Kíli grinned.

“.. That makes sense.” Ori said, slightly surprised at the amount of thought they had put into it. It was true he had suspected the brothers to be One, and he knew for a fact that more members of the Company had the same impression, but he simply assumed that they had not figured it out yet. They could be quite dense sometimes.

“I’m sorry for almost blowing your cover.” Ori said. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

The brothers smiled at him. “We know, don’t worry about it. It turned out alright.” Kíli said.

“Just try to get the oil in a legitimate way next time.” Fíli said, addressing his brother. “Then we won’t have to worry about stuff like this and don’t have to rely on my skills again to get us out of trouble.”

“If you could keep it in your pants we wouldn’t have run out of our own oil so fast. So don’t blame it all on me.” Kíli replied and he laughed loudly at the rude gesture Fíli’s gave him in response. 

 

**  
In the following days, Dwalin’s mood changed from anger at Kíli’s clumsiness to a strange feeling that they were hiding something from him. The more Dwalin thought about Fíli and Kíli’s explanation for his half-empty vial of oil, the more he questioned their truthfulness. It was about two weeks later that his suspicions were confirmed. 

The Company had stopped for the day, slightly earlier than they normally would. Everybody had taken the opportunity to bathe in the lake nearby. Dwalin did not have the patience for extended bathing, so it was no surprise that he was finished long before everybody else. 

Just as he was leaving, Balin called out to him.

“You need to take care of your beard, brother. I don’t want you besmirching our good name with your scraggly look.” Dwalin was unsure if his brother was joking or not, but decided some extra care wouldn’t hurt. He did not know when he would have the time again. After combing his facial hair, he noticed his slight but persistent dehydration on the road in the past weeks had caused his beard to dry out. He knew Glóin kept some products to take care of this (he was vain that way), and decided to ask him.

“You’re the second one to ask, did nobody bring supplies?” Glóin complained.

Dwalin shrugged. “I just need a drop of beard oil, not any of your fancy stuff.” 

“Fíli has it.” Glóin grumbled in response. “I haven’t seen him since though.” Dwalin had a niggling thought about the oil-usage of the two young heirs, but dismissed it as quickly as it came.

“Where did he go? I am going hunting so I don’t want to wait.”

“Dunno. Probably bathing a little further up ahead as always. They think we don’t know Kíli is self-conscious about his elven body, but he gives himself away by not bathing with us. He shouldn’t be ashamed. My Gimli would never…” Dwalin tuned him out at that point. He had learned more about Gimli during this journey than he ever wanted to know and then some. 

Muttering about troublesome princes, Dwalin trudged along the lakeside trying to find the two young heirs. After a few minutes he finally spotted them in the distance. They had chosen a relatively secluded part of the lake to bathe in, surrounded by some bushes and trees. 

They were both in the lake, Fíli leaning against the bank and Kíli in front of him, the water reaching just above their waistline. They were standing so close together that his first assumption was that Kíli was braiding Fíli’s moustache braids. He was wrong. When he got closer he saw that they were pressed together, very much naked, and locked together in a passionate kiss. He could not see below the water, but the open bottle of oil and their hand movements told him exactly what was going on beneath the surface. 

Dwalin was surprised, but not overly so. He and Thorin had discussed the inevitability of the relationship between the two young princes years before, when it had become clear that they were One. That did not mean that he wanted to see the two getting it on and so he quickly retreated the way he had come. He would deal with his beard later.

While making his way back to the others, trying to guess how long the relationship had been going on, he suddenly realized what had happened to his honing oil. It had definitely not been spilt carelessly. In fact, they had never even intended to use the oil for its designated purpose. Irritation welled up again at losing so much of his good oil. They should have brought their own supplies if they wanted to rut during their travels to Erebor, not steal his! He needed to get his revenge for their blatant lies. A plan formed in his mind when he neared the bathing Company again.

“Well, did you find it?” Glóin asked, referring to his beard oil. Dwalin’s eyes lit up at this perfect opportunity for retaliation presented to him by the red-haired Dwarf.

“Yeah, I found your oil.” Dwalin answered with a shit-eating grin. Retribution would be swift and embarrassing for the young heirs. 

“Can I have it back? I need it.” 

“No, I don’t have it. And don’t expect there to be too much of your oil left. Last I saw they were pretty determined to finish the whole damn thing.” 

As Dwalin had predicted, Glóin spluttered in outrage and immediately climbed out of the water and started running in the direction which Dwalin had just come from. That could not have gone more perfectly, Dwalin mused, and he laughed heartily. 

 

**  
Dwalin was in high spirits when the Company sat down for dinner that night. He was sitting directly opposite to Fíli and Kíli and was delighted to see that the red color of embarrassment on their faces had not diminished since that afternoon. They had been found in a _very_ compromising position by Glóin, who had promptly started shouting at their unwarranted use of his oil. 

Glóin had, of course, told everybody. This had led to many lewd comments and, in some cases, angry Dwarves who had realized where their missing oils had gone during the journey. 

Dwalin was very happy with how it all worked out. That would teach them not to mess with his stuff. Next time the two lads needed something, they would think twice about taking it from him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Don't forget to give some love to [BlooeyedSpazz](http://blooeyedspazz.tumblr.com/).


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